Saying Yes to Everything Is Just Stress With Better Manners

And The 5-Question Filter That Tells You Exactly What Deserves Your Energy, And What's Just Noise.

People aren’t overwhelmed because they have too much to do.

They’re overwhelmed because they give their energy to things that were never worth carrying.

We act like we have enough energy to deal with every side quest that comes up in our lives…

…on top of doing everything required for our main quest.

These could be things like arguments, toxic people, and doubt.

In today’s essay, you’ll see why this is from our environment, to ourselves, to how we feel, and to our emotions.

Because at the end of the day:

Not every argument deserves your voice.
Not every person deserves access.
Not every doubt deserves your attention.

As you’ll soon (or one day) discover…

Peace begins when you stop responding to everything.

We Act Like We Have Unlimited Energy

After some research, it was shown that people often act like we have unlimited energy.

Personally, I don’t think we even consider our energy when going through life until it’s already drained.

But acting like our energy is infinite usually leads to feeling stressed out and exhausted.

According to the research, here are the main reasons why people treat energy like it will never run out:

Pressure From The World Around Us

Trying To Please Everyone: The society we live in often teaches us that we should always be helpful and get along with others. This makes it hard to say “no” even when we’re tired.
Always Being Connected: In our world today, it’s hard to separate our work from our private lives because of our phones and the internet. This constant connection often makes it challenging to turn down extra tasks or chores.

What We Believe About Ourselves

Thinking We Must Be Busy To Be Important: Many believe that they are only “good” when they are getting things done or making other people happy.
Playing The “Helper” Role: Some people have spent their whole lives being the one who has to take care of everyone else. They find it very hard to set limits, so they keep giving until they have nothing left.
Fear & Guilt: People are often do too much because they are afraid of hurting others’ feelings. This causes feeling guilty when they try to put their own needs first.

Not Paying Attention To How We Feel

Ignoring Our Body’s Signals: Many people don’t check to see how they feel physically or emotionally. They miss signs like being cranky or their body being sore, which are often clues that they need to slow down.
Doing Thing Because We “Have To”: We often spend time on things that we feel like we’re forced to do instead of doing things we actually enjoy. Doing things out of obligation instead of excitement drains our energy much faster.

Pushing Away Our Emotions

We tend to act like our emotional energy is unlimited by ignoring “bad” feelings like sadness or fear. Instead of seeing these feelings as signs that we need a break, we push them away. This eventually leads to feeling even more worn out and upset later on.

Instead of acting like our energy is free, research says that we should treat it like one of “the most important currencies” we have.

We need to be rested and at our best so that we can do what we were meant to do in life.

What I Accidentally Stumbled Upon

There’s one thing I did recently that has drastically improved my quality of life.

It was kind of by accident it just happened, but now it’s a happy accident.

So when I was doing International Trade, I would get messages and calls all throughout the night.

As you can imagine, this can get very annoying, very fast.

My phone kept notifying me of messages.

Then I put my phone on vibrate.

Still, it was annoying constantly hearing the buzzing of my phone as I’m trying to sleep.

So I just said “Fuck it” and put my phone on Do Not Disturb during my sleeping hours.

My phone would then get off of Do Not Disturb after I wake up.

That resolved that challenge.

Until my sleep pattern changed.

My phone would get off of DND at 8am.

But because I noticed all my business was on the other side of the world, I stayed up later to potentially close deals.

That meant that I would wake up later.

I would wake up around noon/early afternoon.

During 8am to that time, my phone would wake me up with the constant notifications and calls.

So about a month or 2 ago, I decided to just leave on DND.

I made it so that the only notifications I would receive would be from my wife.

Everything else, I would deal with when I see it, or not at all.

And it’s true what I heard: Most “emergencies” are not really emergencies.

What is supposed to be so urgent, isn’t really all that life threatening.

Especially now that I get notifications from my social media, leaving on DND was such a good decision.

I wasn’t constantly distracted
My days are peaceful
I’m not stressed all the time from people trying to reach me

Because if I continue to say “Yes” to every little thing that comes up, I would probably not have the energy to left for the things that really need me.

I don’t expect you to do this.

Unless you know you won’t need to be reachable at every opportunity, I’d either slowly work my way into it, or just not at all.

A bonus of this is that people respect my time more.

Because my family think I don’t “work,” they think that I just have nothing but free time.

So they’ll call me out of the blue for things: to do, to go with, or whatever.

Now, I just “decline.”

This is really great for my “mental boundaries” — meaning I get to decide what I’m even willing to think about.

For example: I’ll see a message late because I’m working a good part of the day (did I mention distraction-free?), and by then, it’s too late and it’s already taken care of… without me (who would’ve thought).

This prevents me from giving my energy to everything — which leads to stress, worry, and/or feeling upset.

This also gives me the freedom to work on what I want and need to work on.

Putting your own needs first is a way of respecting yourself and staying healthy.

The Energy Filter

This will be a quick filter to see whether or not you should give your attention to it.

It’s 5 questions and a rule.

I don’t expect you to remember all 5 questions as you are deciding where your attention goes…

But remember a couple at least and it would still filter out what deserves your attention or what will just drain you.

So before giving your attention to anything, ask:

1. Will this matter in a week?

If not, it probably doesn’t deserve today’s energy.

2. Is this person capable of understanding me?

If not, explanation becomes emotional debt.

3. Does engaging move my life forward?

If not, it is distraction disguised as importance.

4. What is the cost of continuing?

Stress, resentment, and lost focus are expensive.

5. What happens if I let go?

Often, nothing except your peace returns.

Rule:

If it drains you more than it develops you, release it.

The Choice Is Ultimately Yours

In the end, the choice is completely up to you.

There are 2 path you can take from here:

One path keeps you reacting to every opinion, every conflict, and every expectation.
The other path asks a simple question: “Is this worth my energy?”

One path leaves you mentally exhausted.

The other leaves you focused enough to build the life you actually want.

This week, you can choose one thing that drains you and stop feeding it.