The Most Dangerous Thing I Ever Googled

I didn’t know one Google search could permanently change what I was willing to tolerate from life.

It’s possible to think that ambition leads to dissatisfaction.

Because sometimes, dissatisfaction happens when awareness expands.

Take building a life independently online.

Once you discover this, your whole worldview shifts.

And because of that, going back to your old life feels… empty.

Us digital builders know what it’s like.

We know that this changes you as a person.

Your discipline leads to eventually changing your identity.

Going through hard things exposes fake limits.

Because freedom makes old compromises unbearable.

But you’ll see that your dissatisfaction does not mean dysfunction.

You’ll see that discomfort actually means growth.

And you’ll see that expanding your awareness strengthens your identity, instead of running to safety.

The Journey

I got exposed to the making a living online world back in 2018.

It started with going to Google and typing in: “how to make money online”.

I can’t exactly remember what happened after that.

But I know I started reading all the different things you can do to make money online.

But it wasn’t like it is today.

Back then, from what I can remember, there were things like:

Trading/investing in stocks
Trading foreign exchange (forex)
Blogging
Social media
Affiliate marketing

This changed my life forever.

Until I got scammed.

Not once, but twice.

This left a bad taste in my mouth for the whole online thing and I quit, not even making any money.

Then I tried again in 2021.

TikTok was pretty new and I invested in a $2,500 (USD) course that showed you how to take advantage of it.

Well, within the first 3 weeks of taking this seriously, I managed to get my first commission of $22.

This provided all the evidence I needed to know that this whole online thing works.

I stopped doing this though because I wasn’t getting the big commissions, the $1,000 commissions other people were getting.

And also, posting videos online?

Every. Single. Day…

I felt like a dancing monkey.

Then it was just going from one business model to the next, trying to find “the one” breakthrough I wanted to change my life.

It’s a good thing that part of the course was mindset because without it, I never would’ve developed the resilience to keep going.

It didn’t even matter that I was working 16 hours per day… 7 days a week… trying to make this work.

I was working because I wanted to.

Because the way I saw it, the more I worked, the more money I made.

At the end of the day, I felt good knowing I put in the work for the sake of mine and my partner’s future.

Another part of my mindset was knowing that this hard work would help me grow, as a person.

It changed who I was.

I never saw challenges as me not being smart enough to figure it out.

Every day I was learning and improving.

I developed an intolerance for wasting time.

I wasn’t watching as much TV as I used to.

In fact, for a couple years, I didn’t even turn on the TV.

My partner and I even went to Antigua in 2023 and while we were vacationing, it was a challenge for me to not work.

It was the longest I went not working in the 2 years since starting all of this.

It felt super weird.

Like having the feeling that I had something to do but wasn’t doing it?

At this point, I was still jumping from one method to the next.

From day one, I had this unshakable feeling that I would be successful at this.

With no evidence in my past that I’ve ever done anything like this, I guess you can call it “delusional optimism.”

So whenever something came up that I didn’t know how to do, I would go looking for a way.

And the internet is great for finding information.

You just have to know which information is good and which isn’t — that’s the challenge.

And every time I broke past a challenging situation, I broke past a limiting belief.

I learned during all of this that making a mistake doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world…

Actually, making mistakes is part of the process.

If you don’t make any mistakes, you didn’t do enough.

When you make a mistake, move on.

Before starting this online thing again in 2021, I worked as an Office Administrator at a TaeKwonDo gym.

I was working there for a few months until covid hit.

Then I got laid off because they weren’t open during the pandemic.

At some point, when you learn about all the things you can do online to make money…

And get a taste of the money that is possible…

Having a tiny taste of the freedom…

There’s no going back to your old life.

You just can’t.

(I mean, I’m sure you can, but it would NOT be the same.)

So when the pandemic was over, the TaeKwonDo gym called me to come back.

It was one of the more difficult decisions in my life:

Go back to getting paid (under the table — cash) on a regular basis…

or…

Continue to pursue my dreams, to make money online, and be successful at it.

I told them I was busy building my business.

And they called me multiple times, trying to convince me to come back.

And each time, it was more and more awkward to tell them that I couldn’t.

Fast forward a few years of trying and failing, trying and failing…

And after 5 years, I learned that jumping from thing to thing was a deadly pattern.

A pattern I didn’t realize was destroying my chances to become successful every time I went on to try a new thing.

But I finally found something I’m sticking with for the rest of my life.

Because you better believe that when you find something you’re going to do, that you like to do…

It’ll be for the rest of your life.

Because it’s even a question I’m sure I’ve asked when learning a new business model: “How long will I have to do this for?”

This is why you’re seeing this newsletter right now.

And why I post on X, Threads, and Substack Notes daily.

I don’t have to perform.

I’m writing.

Something I enjoy a lot more than being on video.

I get to write about what I care about.

Research Shows Why

Upon doing some research, I learned that when people realize that they can build an independent life, like working for themselves online, they go through a big change in how they think — a psychological shift.

They feel more in control, more confident, and ready to choose their own path.

Shift To Autonomous Motivation (The “Want-To” Motivation)

When you work for yourself, the reason why you do things — or the “quality” of your motivation — changes.

This is part of the Self-Determination Theory.

Instead of working because you’re forced to, you work because you choose to.

Kinda like how I was working 16 hours a day 7 days a week before.

I wasn’t forced to work, I wanted to work.

Sustained Persistence (Staying With It): When people are autonomously motivated, they do it because it matches their personal values, interests, and enjoyment — even when it gets hard.
Enhanced Well-Being (Feeling Better): Choosing your own actions makes you feel happier and less stressed overall, reducing symptoms of distress and depression.

Development Of Self-Efficacy (The “I Can Do It” Confidence)

Succeeding on your own builds something called self-efficacy. This is the belief that you have what it takes to succeed.

Kinda like the “delusional optimism” I had and still have that I can succeed, even though I have no proof in the past that I can do something like this.

Viewing Obstacles as Challenges: Once you believe in yourself, you don’t run away or avoid problems. You see them as a challenge to get through or master.
Resilience To Setback (Bouncing Back): If you make a mistake, you don’t give up. You just realize you need to try harder or pick a better plan.
The Ripple Effect: When you get confident at one thing, like getting money into your account, that confidence spreads to other parts of your life.

Adoption Of A Growth Mindset

This change often helps people develop a growth mindset — the belief you aren’t just born talented… you get smarter and better by working at it.

Kinda like how I was learning and improving every day and still am to this day.

“Meaning System”: A growth mindset creates a “meaning system” where effort is viewed positively as a tool to grow skills.
Proactive Learning (Always Learning): People with a growth mindset are willing to admit when they don’t know something so they can learn and improve.

The “Protean Career” and Job Crafting (Designing Your Own Career)

In the online world, “careers” are often given “protean,” which means they are self-directed.

You are the “agent” (the boss) of your own life, not a “pawn” who just follows orders.

Job Crafting: People realize they are not “pawns” of external pressures but agents of their own behaviour. This leads to “job crafting” or “crafting” their jobs. This means we change our work tasks to better fit what we are good at and what we care about — or their personal needs, goals, and skills.
Adaptivity (Being Flexible): Because the online world changes fast, this way of thinking helps people adapt and stay successful.

Some Potential Challenges (Struggles)

Even though independence is great, research shows a few things that can be tough to deal with:

Professional Isolation (Feeling Alone): Working by yourself can often make you feel isolated or lonely because you aren’t around other people.
Increased Cognitive Load (Brain Tiredness): Talking to people through a screen (virtual interactions) can actually be more stressful and tiring for your brain than talking face-to-face in person.

The Expansion Loop

The internet is full of opportunities.

But it doesn’t just give you the opportunities, it low-key psychologically changes what you’re able to tolerate.

I’ve noticed this happens in phases.

You get shown a possibility you never knew of…

You may or may not believe it at first…

But you go through with it anyway…

Then you get proof…

Your standards change…

Then there’s no turning back.

It’s a process and I’m gonna call this process:

The Expansion Loop.

The Expansion Loop starts with:

1. Exposure

You see someone building a life online that you never even knew existed.

This breaks psychologically what you believe in.

It’s kinda like what happened to me after I Googled: how to make money online.

I don’t exactly remember who it is I saw first, but I definitely saw someone exposing me to the internet lifestyle.

Then it blasted my mind!

It changed everything I knew about how the world worked.

2. Resistence

Your old identity rejects it.

You see it and at first, you don’t believe it…

You say things like it’s:

Unrealistic
Risky
Impossible
“Not for people like me”

This did not happen to me though.

The moment I learned about everything, the math just made sense to me when it came to the money that was talked about.

It wasn’t completely a foreign concept to me.

3. Evidence

You end up trying it out.

So you:

Publish
Build
Fail
Survive
Earn Proof

And because of this evidence, you gain a confidence like you’ve never gotten before.

It’s kinda like after 3 weeks of starting to make a living online back in 2021, I got my first commission of $22.

You don’t understand…

I was ready for this moment.

I bought some champagne and kept it in the fridge and was expecting to make my commission.

And so I did.

And drank the champagne with my wife, who was my girlfriend at the time.

4. Intolerance

From this point, your standards evolve.

Now:

Meaningless work drains you faster
Distraction feels expensive
Mediocrity becomes psychologically painful

It’s kinda like when I went to Antigua in 2023 and wasn’t working all day like I did back home in Canada.

It felt like I was wasting the days.

Which wasn’t that great because I was on vacation.

I should be spending my time away from work, relaxing, enjoying my time there.

But the way I was thinking at the time was: the harder I work, the faster I’ll succeed.

5. Reconstruction

Then it comes to a point where you stop trying to return to your old identity.

You begin building a life aligned with the expanded version of yourself.

It’s kinda like after the pandemic when the TaeKwonDo gym kept calling me, asking me to come back.

It was a very difficult decision to make because I was giving up cash!

Guaranteed cash!

…in order to build the life I know I could.

The Fork In The Road

People think them being unhappy or unsatisfied means uncertainty or vulnerability when it’s actually the psychological side effect of expanded possibility.

You got exposed to a bigger, expanded universe and you’re not used to it.

And now that you know this other world, you have a couple of choices:

Path 1

Shrink yourself back down.

You convince yourself:

You want less
Comfort is enough
Your awareness was “just a phase”

And you spend years trying to emotionally tolerate a life your mind already outgrew.

Or…

Path 2

Accept that expanded awareness changes people.

The more you know, the more it changes the way you think.

Stop treating your dissatisfaction like dysfunction.

And use it as evidence that:

Your standards evolved faster than your environment did.

How you see things can only be up to you.

A bigger mind can’t fit back inside a smaller life.